Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
please come you make the beer taste better
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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