saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
