If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
