So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
