you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
