I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
