it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
