so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
