Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
