My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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