Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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