Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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