Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dicks are not precious.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
