Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
