I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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