It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
