WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
