im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
