This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
