i just made my gag reflex go away.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
