Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
