its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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