Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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