You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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