Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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