so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
