I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
