Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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