How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
