I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize