so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
