Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
