i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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