She is in my trunk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just cropdusted the office
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
