Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
