hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
