So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think a kid would responsible me up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize