nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
