if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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