I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
