can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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