I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
