Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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