My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize