He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
