Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
