I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
