your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize