Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
