If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
