my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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