We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
