Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Less talking, more tequila
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
