You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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