You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize