After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dignity is for republicans.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
