I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
