Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
