Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Randomize
