i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
