If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
