You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
