Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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