If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
