But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize