just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
