If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
