If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
