Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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